


Party Poopers

by kiss_me_cassie



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-07-11
Updated: 2002-07-11
Packaged: 2019-05-15 12:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14790752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiss_me_cassie/pseuds/kiss_me_cassie
Summary: Totally snarky, totally spoof. Inspired by comments on the J/D Talk list. My biggest apologies to Abby - she didn't deserve this! Actually, neither did Amy.





	Party Poopers

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, no matter how much I wish.  
 **Spoilers:** Based on spoilers for 3/6 episode.  
 **Notes:** Totally snarky, totally spoof. Inspired by comments on the J/D Talk list. My biggest apologies to Abby – she didn't deserve this! Actually, neither did Amy.

\-----

Abby is in front of a mirror in the residence's bedroom, admiring different ball gowns as she holds them up to her. She is speaking to someone on a portable phone.

Abby: Amy, darling, I'm having a little party for my birthday next week … OK, it's a HUGE party. It is my birthday, after all. And I'm calling to make sure that Josh has invited you ... What? He hasn't? … Well, we'll have to correct that right now.

Abby hangs up the phone and heads down to the West Wing. She notices that Donna is not standing guard at Josh's door and sweeps into his office.

Abby: Joshua Lyman! 

Josh: Yes ma'am?

Abby: I understand that you have not invited that lovely Amy Gardner to accompany you to my birthday gala. Is that correct? 

Josh: Well, it has been rather hectic around here lately, with the test bombing in Puerto Rico, the Chinese and the new bill on that thing.

Abby: Yes, I understand that. My husband is the President, after all. We're all very busy. But this is important. It's my birthday party. And I'd like for Amy to be there. A girl needs to be asked, Josh. You can't just assume that Amy will be going with you.

Josh: Actually, ma'am, I wasn't sure if I was going to be asking her. I'll be working most of the night, and I thought it would just be easier if I asked Donna to accompany me. Strictly as a co-worker, you understand.

Abby: I see.

Abby leaves in a huff. She calls Amy and arranges to have lunch with her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At a tasteful little café in Washington, Abby and Amy meet for lunch.

Abby: Amy, we need to talk. Josh has decided that he will be "working" during the party and has decided to bring his assistant Donna with him. 

Amy: What?! But I'm his girlfriend. We're supposed to look beautiful and smart and charming as we walk into the room together. Two powerful DC players in a fairytale romance. It's all that woman's fault! She is always trying to ruin my dates with Josh. It's her fault we didn't go to Tahiti. She probably told him that it was more important for him to work than spend time with me. Is there any way she could possibly be barred from attending?

Abby: Well, it would be rather rude if I used my status as First Lady to deny her access. Normally, all White House Senior Staffers and their assistants are invited to these events. However, it may just happen that her name is accidentally left off the guest list. An unfortunate error, of course. 

Amy: Yes, that would work wonderfully! And since Donna will not be there, I can make sure that Josh is kept completely under my spell. Thank you for your help, ma'am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A week later, at the door to the birthday gala, Donna approaches the Secret Service agent on duty.

Donna: Hello, I'm Donna Moss, assistant to Josh Lyman. 

Agent: I'm sorry, Miss Moss, but your name is not on the list. I won't be able to let you enter.

Donna: But I'm always on the list! Josh needs me. Who else will look after him and his sensitive system?

Agent: I'm sorry miss, but I can't let you in unless your name is on the list.

Donna: I understand. Please let Mr. Lyman know that I'll be in his office if he needs me.

She leaves with a small pout and heads toward the bullpen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, at the party, Josh and Amy are getting drinks at the bar.

Josh: I wonder why Donna isn't here yet. She always likes to get to these things early.

Amy: I wouldn't worry, J. She's probably just putting the finishing touches on her hair and make-up. Many women take pains to make sure they look their best for social occasions, especially when they're not very attractive. It must be difficult to deal with her wispy hair and pasty skin. I, on the other hand, have flawless skin and perfect hair.

Josh: Yeah, you look nice tonight, Amy. What would you like to drink?

Amy: Champagne, please.

Josh: Donna likes to get Whiskey Sours or some fruity girly drink.

Amy: She must not have the refined tastes I do. I understand that there are some very influential ambassadors at this party. Perhaps we should mingle?

Josh: Uh, sure. Just make sure we stay away from Lord Marbury. He's not one of my favorite people.

Amy: Who is one of your favorite people, J? Me, perhaps?

Josh: Of course. You're my girlfriend, aren't you?

Amy: Yes, yes I am. I am your girlfriend and we are a very influential couple.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About three hours later…

Josh: Amy, I'm really worried about Donna. She should have been here hours ago. 

Amy: Stop worrying about her. She's a big girl. She probably found some willing man and took him back to her apartment.

Josh: No! Donna's not like that. She's one of the sweetest and nicest people I know. How could you possibly think she would do that?

Amy: Because she has in the past?

Josh: No, that's not like her. It was just stress. It makes you do funny things some times. Like date people that are all wrong for you.

Amy: What are you saying, J? 

Josh: I'm saying I think we're all wrong for each other. I think we need to break up.

Amy: No! I won't let you do this! That stupid, under-educated secretary of yours is not going to win. I won't allow it. You are mine and you will stay that way. I had plans! We were going to be DC's biggest power couple. We were going to be in the White House in another 20 years. I was going to be First Lady!

Josh: I'm sorry, Amy, but that's just not going to happen. I need to go find Donna. You can find your own way home. Goodbye.

Amy: Nnnnnooooo!…….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

A few minutes later in the Operations Bullpen…

Josh: Donna? Are you here?

He peaks into his office and sees her dressed in a ball gown, asleep on his sofa.

Josh: Donna, wake up. It's me.

Donna: Josh? What time is it? What are you doing here?

Josh: It's late and I came looking for you.

Donna: My name wasn't on the list. They wouldn't let me into the gala. So I came back here to wait for you.

Josh: It's OK. I'm just glad you're all right. I was worried about you.

Donna: Oh, that is so sweet. But, Josh, where is Amy? She won't be happy that you left her to go looking for me.

Josh: I have a confession. I broke up with Amy tonight.

Donna: Really?

Josh: Really. I realized I was with the wrong woman. I should have been with you, Donnatella. I love you.

Donna: Oh, Joshua. I love you, too.

And they all lived happily ever after… except for the evil witch Amy… -


End file.
